Wednesday, May 16

Things I am afraid to tell you

Have you been reading these? I love the blog Notes to Self. Sarah has such great taste, and a beautiful design aesthetic. I thought this post was touching (and please note, not written by me!!), and similar to some of the things we have been chatting about here.

even though I have been a bit absent, is now a good time to admit to you that I am a commitment phoebe? I clam up when I am obligated to do something. 

By now you may have seen and read some of these posts (ideated by the brilliant Ez, inspired by Jess.) When Meg asked around for a second wave of participants, I had to say yes because bloggers are not perfect, least of all me. Shiny, happy pictures are great. So is that new handbag and that perfectly styled dinner party. But it's not completely real.
I think of Note to Self as escapist. I like the content to be beautiful and enjoyable to take in ("that which we loved at first sight," right?) But this is not representative of my actual life. Maybe I should say that more often. This is a start. So, joining forces with the bloggers that have come before me, here are some Things I'm Afraid to Tell You. Deep breath:

ONE. I just took out loans for 3 years of graduate school. It’s scary, but it was planned, and I am a very different person and professional for having taken the leap. This does mean I must be careful with my money, which isn’t so chic in the blog world. The things I buy I choose very carefully, they are nearly always on sale, and are often purchased with earnings from a lot (sometimes too many) freelance projects. In my experience, there are no shortcuts to getting what you really want. What I mean to say is: blogging is far from a profession (for me.) It is a creative hobby, one that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
TWO. I have been reluctant to admit to you all that I do not want to be a full-time graphic designer. I switched graduate programs to Design Management partly because I don't think I'm good enough to be the type of graphic designer I would want to be. But mostly, I switched because graphic design just isn't the right fit. The DMGT program kicked my butt in the best way possible, but this type of work (market research, design theory, business planning, etc.) doesn’t really fit into the visual realm of blogging. I seriously regret that I haven't found a way to openly share this side of me, or maybe it's just that I've been afraid to let go of my professional security blanket. Time to jump?
THREE. I love a cute cocktail dress and heels as much as the next girl, but I usually look like a complete idiot in either one. I'm freakishly tall and I will never be the thinnest person in the world. That's life, but it makes me incredibly self-conscious sometimes. I love fashion, but it doesn’t always love me back!
FOUR. (This is probably the hardest thing to share.) When people ask as they so often do - especially in interviews - "do you have any brothers or sisters?" I legitimately freeze up. I look like I'm trying to lie, but the truth is I just don't know how to respond. I used to have one of each. We lost my older brother to his own crippling depression when we were teenagers. On my desk, I keep a picture of him from our trip to Hawaii a month before he passed away. It makes me smile or cry, depending on the day. I still miss him, but I'm just thankful I had him in my life. Seriously: is there a right way to say this without bringing the entire conversation to a crashing halt? I'm still trying to figure it out.
FIVE. I sometimes feel like I’m “behind," but I really do like my life. Though I don’t feel the urge to be married or have babies right now (ahh, perish the thought!) the late 20’s are a strange environment to navigate solo. Blog readers, don’t judge me if I end up a crazy dog lady, because given past dating experience, I’d be totally okay with it at this point. ;)
Well, there you have it. I suppose what we are learning through this series is that everyone has hardships, insecurities, and personal challenges. It’s why we are who we are. I think the reason our blogs tend to be so optimistically curated is because it is the one place we can live vicariously. In the same vein, it is our job as blog readers to keep a level head and take the blogosphere for what it is: a fun, creative outlet that celebrates the things we are loving, if not necessarily what we actually have. That's fine with me, and I thank the bloggers who inspire me with their beautiful content. You consistently make my days better, and challenge me to be a better creative professional. I feel nothing but endless admiration for you all...
Image from MissMoss. A beautiful blog, that recently posted my prints (thank you!!) I love her taste, she is such a classic.
I love blogs. Blogs are also lies. Lies about how beautiful we are, rich, talented and successful. Its refreshing to open up about how scared we are. Mostly though, these kinds of posts remind me that blogging is really a way for people to connect with other people. We crave that connection. That is the core element of blogging that so many people forget about! This post feels like a virtual hug, right?
What do you think? Do you like connecting with people you can't actually meet in a meaningful way? Or do you tune in b/c you need to see a million skinny legs in high heals and pretty flowers in pretty rooms already?


  1. did love reading Sarah's post this week. Blogging (both reading and writing) came out of a need for "conversation." Living in a small town (albeit a great one) folks are limited. So happy for the blogosphere for introducing me to inspiring people doing great work and willing to talk about it. And like Sarah....for keeping it real

  2. Ha, what a timely post. I haven't been posting much lately because quite frankly, I don't know what the hell to say. My blog used to be all about design, and I think it's what most of my readers want from me. The truth is though, I've never felt 100% like myself in that forum. I like to drop f-bombs, and most of the time my clothes are all over the floor at home. So yesterday I told the truth. That I'm not sure WHAT I want to write about these days, but that life is hard and sometimes it just is what it is. If I lose peeps along the way than so be it. At least I'll be able to say fuck it without feeling like the crass step-sister of design blogging!

  3. Refreshing. I love honesty. I'm very open with anyone who will listen - and i'll talk about ANYTHING with complete strangers. But to answer your question, I read blogs for both reasons. I crave beauty on a daily basis. Any kind of beauty. And many blogs offer that. But without the honesty it's like sugar free candy: it tastes good but you know it ain't real - and so disappointing. Give me the real stuff!

  4. I'm glad my post resonated with you, and I'm moved that you decided to share it. I do agree that blogs can be lies, but I also think sometimes readers can take them far too seriously, or at the very least - out of context. Like reading a magazine, we should all consider the amount of thought, strategy and styling that goes into every piece of content. That said, I like to think enough of my signature sarcasm and 'tude comes through in my posts, no matter how stylized. I suppose that's where the point of connection comes in - content and skill sharing that retains personality. Obviously, YOU have this mastered, and I cannot say enough about how much I love your artwork. Thanks again for spreading the "movement." :)

  5. Thank you for this post! I think THIS is what blogs were meant to be about. Sharing, communication, community... But we all quickly found out that they are great masks for this cruel world. And ran with it.

  6. I had two bloggers come over last friday for lunch and I think the more real we are, the better we become. I love vulnerabilities...and meeting real live people and feel like we already know one another....
    I need to do one of my own....posts on this.

  7. I'm so glad you posted this. I definitely identify with a lot of her "things" - it makes me feel less alone.

  8. Wow, I admire you for these confessions. They say that it feels liberating doing it however. Is that how it feels? Hahah :)

  9. Funny...well not so....but my current post is a confession,and a purging, of sorts. We are nothing if not real.

  10. I love your artwork and how real you are! And I can defenitly relate to your post.


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