Monday, October 1

Lets spend a little extra time together

So happy to be me again!

Fall makes us want to get to work! Doesn't it? I mean the heat is finally ebbing, and the crisp air and smoky breezes make me think of high school football games, and homework, and cool school projects (nerd!). This fall coincides with a turning point in my life, a pretty big one. I feel extra reved up and ready to go!

We have been landscaping the ol homestead. Can't wait to show you when its all done!

 O and I have decided to stay in Atlanta. For now. When he is ready to sell his business (about five years) we will be in a position to choose our next location! We may relocate, or maybe we will become bi-coastal, or bi-continental. I have a taste for adventure, change and re-invention while O is more practical and less spontaneous. I think our plan is a good one for both of us.

I never realized that my desk is basically a shrine to my love.

On the baby front, you all know we plan to adopt. Its going to be fun to take you along on our adventure, and I am looking forward to that stage in our lives. It will be a bit more forward still though. Our plan is to begin the adoption process in one or two years. (We are going to go with an agency that has a very fast placement rate, so no waiting around for years and years like a lot of agencies. Yes, it costs more than a regular adoption, but as O says: "if you are going to splurge, this is the place for it!") I promise to be open and honest about all of this stuff when the time comes.

Our first child:  Coco the dog. I kinda hate it when people say that about their dogs, but I love her!

For now I am happy to be getting back into myself little by little (still can't sleep too well, and its taking me waaaay longer to get used to the pill this time around. fucking pill.) But I am working out again! and I have energy for a regular day of activities almost every single day. Plus no more throwing of things and weeping. Anyway I was telling my friend Ruth about this and I suddenly realized that I kinda feel guilty that we decided to wait to adopt.

The studio never looks this good! I use that book to prop my notes on when I have a couch meeting. 

I sorta feel like we are supposed to jump right into it. My friend Katie once told me that you have to mourn your lost fertility, get over it, then start working on adoptions. I didn't believe her when she told me that, at the very start of my fertility slog, but now I see the wisdom in it (she is very wise, Katie). I could say that I am mourning, but the truth of it is closer to...stalling. I love my freedom, I love not being broke anymore, and building a nice fluffy financial future for our tiny family. I like buying nice clothes (or at least I will like it at some point). I wanna travel more, I wanna sleep in and I wanna spend unhealthy amounts of time working on my business because I lovelovelove it! Why do I feel guilty about this ya'll? Why do I think I shouldn't be a new mom in my mid to late 30's? I want to do that...(and I will, you beter believe it) but why does it feel weird?


I want to know what you think ladies (and gentlemans). In the meantime I am excited to say that this blog is actually going to be evolving, growing up and expanding, just like me! I know I have said something like that before, but now I have a studio manager! I can't wait for you guys to meet her, she is great. She will make it so that I have more time for you, and I am so happy about that.

outtakes from our studio photo shoot (with Krist the photo genius). I was sfitzing like a stuffed donkey that day, b/c it was my first month on the fertility drugs.

I am evolving personally, and this bog should reflect that, right? I want to talk with you about lots of things, like color, fashion, interiors, art, entrepreneurs, artists, love, personal shit, business shit, drinking! fooding! You know? I mean, I spend a lot of time thinking about beauty, and other things besides painting, so lets all hang out together and have some fun. I know that you want to know about business things, and creative stuff too, and I have plenty of posts in draft on these subjects.

Sometimes I felt paralyzed with not knowing what to talk about with you. I wanted to please everyone, but no more. I don't care! I choose to be un-paralyzed, and I choose to talk about whatever I want to. I know that some people will be offended by all kinds of hootenany we talk about here, including money (I kinda feel this constant oppression about money! I can't wait to talk to you guys about that, I expect a lively discussion.)

I wish I could hug all of you!

22 comments:

  1. Ah! I so relate to all of this, you have no idea. Our adoption process was supposed to take ten months, and it has taken 2 1/2 years (with no actual end in sight yet). While it has been difficult and frustrating and sad, I've been able to use the time to pour myself into my business, which I love, and have been really, really grateful for. Thank you for being so open and honest about all of it...that's something I haven't found the courage to do on my blog!

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    1. I am so sorry that its taking so long! How frustrating. How do you feel when people tell you it's a blessing in disguise? Like slapping them, or agreement? I wish you the very best of luck!

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  2. Michelle, it is evident that you are in such a good place. You sound practically bubbly. It seemss like congratulations are in order with all of the important decisions you and your husband have made recently. And, can we talk for a second about how adorable your husband is ("if you're going to splurge...")? As one of your faithful readers, it will be such a pleasure watching you evolve here so feel free to follow your own new direction.

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    1. Thank you! My husband is pretty adorable, yes. He also is the main factor in us waiting (or rather, in letting me also realize that I want to wait until it feels natural, he is great). I am so glad you keep up with me, b/c I keep up with you too!

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  3. This sounds like a great plan for you and your family! I love reading about your honest and funny adventures, whatever they may be. Just continue to be yourself and do what you want :)

    I think it is entirely smart and wonderful to spend these next 2 years focusing on yourself, your business and whatever else you want. You'll be a mom soon enough :) Good luck!!!

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  4. Splurge, indeed! I too struggled with budget, freedom etc. when having children. And honestly, it was worth it. Discovered I can live on any budget and discovered a new freedom from learning that. I did wait however, to have my first at 35...I had plenty of time for myself prior to that

    My Mother once said....that it is now, in her late 60's, that she enjoys having children so much. Enjoying her adult children

    Appreciate the honesty, I love your blog for many reasons....one is for its authenticity, please don't ever change.

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  5. You are a wonderful artist who adds beauty to my life each day when I read your blog posts.It will be so fun to watch your future unfold. You will make a great mom! How fun it will be for your child to paint with you as they grow up. Keep on doing what seems like the next right decision and wait each day for the surprises God has for you. There is never a right time to start a family- stuff is always in the way. (If I might add one tiny suggestion, as I read the blog I sometimes get startled and cringe with your language, it seems to darken what is otherwise pure beauty and honesty. maybe you could type " **** " instead of those words?). Thanks for brightening my weeks.

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  6. I like you more and more with each post, Michelle! I feel we could be friends in "real life"! :-) keep doing wht you're doing, writing the way you write, and good luck with the adoption!

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  7. Can't wait to come along with you on all of your new journeys - blog, adoption, possible move. Very excited for you and am looking forward to the lively discussions!

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  8. I love your honesty, wit, and sass. Thanks for opening up your world for us to see. It's a lovely one...even with its weeping and throwing of shit. ^^

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  9. Quite the vixen in that second to the bottom pic. ;-) I think you and O need to make a trip out to Seattle, since it should be on your short list for relocation!

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    1. YES! We have such great travel plans, after this holiday season, I am going to start buying tickets, I can't wait!

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  10. Hugs to you, Michi! I remember when I first started taking the pill (to help with my cycle) and I hid a little cryptic note on our dormroom mirror that said "pill" to help me remember to take it! The pill sucks. And here's the thing about guilt. Everyone has their own version. I'd love more time to do my own thing, and I feel guilty for wanting that over my kids sometimes. And...you look like your beautiful mama. Been wanting to say that for a while! Love to you, Shelley.

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    1. Hey dork! Thank you so much, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on guilt. You are such a natural mother, it makes me feel better to know that even you have guilt sometimes too. I do look like my mom don't I! Its like Dad had nothing to do with me at all, except for my brain, its 100 percent dad :)

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  11. Hi, goodness you look so well. Your decisions are suiting you. I am about to turn 41 and I still haven't worked out how my life should be. I am an aunt which is great and I am a mother to a furry one, but I just don't know past that. I do like my lifestyle, though wish I was a bit more affluent. Thems the breaks. I like making things and like a bit of freedom. It's a big decision!
    By the way, do you really paint in heels? Or was that just for the shoot?

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    1. I most certainly do not paint in heels! Your furry one is quite cute btw.

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  12. I'm really happy to hear it! I dig your art, but I also really enjoy the blog. (I especially liked the post where you lost your shit with a customer. Hilarious and honest.

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  13. I am so excited! We are gonna talk about all sorts of crazy shiz. Yay!
    Don't worry about feeling "weird" about your family situations. You only feel that way because "your" way is different from "society's" way. What is right for you doesn't have to make sense to everyone else. Go your own way, babe.

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  14. And I hug you back! I love your blog.... xoxoxo

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  15. Yay! Finally subscribed to your blog! So happy for you! Now you know I was not crazy! Losing your fertility IS like a death - you have to mourn that death, heal, and then you can move on :) I think Christian and I went on a 18 month bender once we held up the white flag! Then you come back around and in the end it really doesn't matter :) xoxo Can't wait to follow!!!
    @coopercrib.blogspot.com

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  16. Michelle, you are just GLOWING in that first picture. You are going to do such amazing things, I'm so happy you give us this glimpse into your life. You are so inspirational to me :)

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  17. I wish I could hug you!!! You are so inspiring and honest, I just take my hat off, chapeau!

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Yay! Your gonna reach out to me! I am so excited. I have tried to make commenting here easy for both of us. So please try your hardest to read the squiggly letters so I can chat with you.

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