Happy New Year!
You know, I think about you guys a lot. I think that I should have taken photos cuz you would have liked to see the little shindig we threw for NYE, or maybe you would like my new dresser, or like to see little snippets of pretty around the house.
Above: My parent's cozy living room all pretty for Christmas. We go there every year, and on Christmas Eve we have a huge dinner, and O's folks come to that and we have such a great time! I really miss toasting my toes by that fire.
Below: I used this time between years to make some big decorating headway! I bought a dresser for my makeup, jewelry and accessories and other things that I never know where to put. (I hate bathroom makeup, my drawers are low so I have to bend over a lot, and I can't see without my glasses, so I can't tell what I am grabbing. I know, life is so hard.) I picked up those Ralph Lauren lamps at Home Goods while I was hanging out with my mom.
But you know, sometimes I get this feeling like I want to just be under a rock, and I don't want to talk to anyone. Does that happen to you? It must be a human thing, I can't imagine anyone not being like that sometimes. Lately I have had a lot of emotions and feelings, and they are making me tired. One of those feelings is Jealousy (my friends know what I am talking about b/c I have asked them all about this particular issue I am having, and I got several different perspectives. Friends are the best. Anyway, so the thing about blogging though, is other bloggers. Right? I mean sometimes they can seem perfect, their lives are perfect, and children well behaved. They are skinny and stylish and have amazing jobs and travel like crazy.
Ok, maybe I am talking about one blogger in particular. I have a problem with comparing myself to others. Don't we all! Well, if I am being super honest with myself, and ya'll know I like to do that, then I have to admit that I compare myself way too much. Like waaay too much.
Recently I started to feel really bad about myself because I thought I didn't have my shit together enough. I don't have an exciting enough life. I am not pretty enough, or rich enough. I don't know, there is something there, I just have to get to the core of it. I think thats the beneficial thing about jealousy: it makes you look at yourself and say "ok, what is missing, why do I feel this? How am I letting myself down." I have not figured it out yet. You guys are wise, like crazy wise. Any experience with the green eyed monster?
Above: My parent's cozy living room all pretty for Christmas. We go there every year, and on Christmas Eve we have a huge dinner, and O's folks come to that and we have such a great time! I really miss toasting my toes by that fire.
Below: I used this time between years to make some big decorating headway! I bought a dresser for my makeup, jewelry and accessories and other things that I never know where to put. (I hate bathroom makeup, my drawers are low so I have to bend over a lot, and I can't see without my glasses, so I can't tell what I am grabbing. I know, life is so hard.) I picked up those Ralph Lauren lamps at Home Goods while I was hanging out with my mom.
Ok, maybe I am talking about one blogger in particular. I have a problem with comparing myself to others. Don't we all! Well, if I am being super honest with myself, and ya'll know I like to do that, then I have to admit that I compare myself way too much. Like waaay too much.
Recently I started to feel really bad about myself because I thought I didn't have my shit together enough. I don't have an exciting enough life. I am not pretty enough, or rich enough. I don't know, there is something there, I just have to get to the core of it. I think thats the beneficial thing about jealousy: it makes you look at yourself and say "ok, what is missing, why do I feel this? How am I letting myself down." I have not figured it out yet. You guys are wise, like crazy wise. Any experience with the green eyed monster?
The interesting thing about you being jealous of others is that others are also jealous of you! There is always someone cooler, skinnier, richer no matter who you are. I'm not jealous of you per se, but I do think you are totally awesome in a different way than how I'm awesome…if that makes any sense without making me sound like a stalker. :) The blogger that you are jealous of is probably just a different kind of awesome.
ReplyDeletebig hugs to you Keri. Thank you :)
DeleteYou know, one of the reasons I like reading your blog is BECAUSE of its imperfections--that it's real. Granted, sometimes you just want to go see the pretties, the inhumanely perfect blogs, but mostly I think readers appreciate honesty and being able to get a real sense of the writer, rather than a fake front. Plus, honesty is a lot harder than appearing perfect, in my opinion--it takes a lot more guts to present your true self to the world than to fake a smile and hide your real life and its inherent imperfections.
ReplyDeleteThat's my two cents, anyway...but I can definitely identify with what you're saying too :)
Thank you Meghan! I like seeing the realness in other blogs as well. I think appearing perfect must be even harder than just telling the truth, b/c I cant' seem to do it :)
DeleteI wrote a really heart-felt comment, but when I tried to publish it got lost in the internet ether. To sum it up, I confessed that you are a huge inspiration to me. I dream of doing what you did, following your heart and painting for a living. I stumbled upon your blog a while back, and it changed my life for the better (side glances, "what, is this chick for real?"). Your paintings lit a fire under my unhappily employed booty and got me painting again. It feels great! Sometimes when I'm feeling nervous or negative about the whole thing I come to your blog for a little reminder of what I hope to accomplish. I love that you write and show what's real, in addition to the pretty stuff. When a blog is overly perfect, you begin to doubt whether any of it is actually true, whether it's all staged. You're honest about the not-so-pretty stuff, so I actually believe in the awesome stuff.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am sorry your comment was lost! Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out though. I truly appreciate it. Thank you. I will keep on showing you the not so pretty stuff :)
DeleteI read your blog because I think you're a bad ass. You're honest, creative, and fiesty. Keep it up! I do know what you mean about blogging and other bloggers. My recent challenge with that was getting to know someone who blogs on a personal level and realizing that they completely different from their online personality. (They write a completely different version of events that actually happened in their life, to appear perfect online.) In my opinion, the advantage of blogging is the opportunity to be vulnerable, and connect with people you might not otherwise reach. I'm being much more careful with what I allow myself to "follow", and careful that I'm honest with my readers. Especially since Mrs. world travelin', perfect child creatin', hot husband havin', skinny pants wearin' blogger probably isn't telling the whole story! ^^
ReplyDeleteWow, I would love to get to know more bloggers outside of the blog world. I know a few, and they are all pretty freaking awesome actually. I agree that connecting with other people is so exciting and fulfilling, and the best part about blogging. I love reading your blog, and I am glad that you are honest too :)
DeleteGirl... you're too cool to be jealous of anyone. Seriously. You're one hot, uber talented, crazy *ss funny chick. AND you have an awesome hubby (from what I hear ; ))! xx
ReplyDeleteWell, I do have a smoken hot, awesome, lovey dovey husband. Its true. Didn't I tell you about "the blogger"? BTW, congrats on being like totally famous!
DeleteI suppose I'm just reiterating what everyone has said before me, but...
ReplyDeleteit's funny, because I think all the same things, but about you! You are so incredibly accomplished amidst such a competitive and challenging industry.
Whenever I get uber-emotional (which seems to be a lot these days), my fiance just says it's my crazy artist side coming out- this sensitivity and self-criticism is necessary in our line of work, and I think (hope?) makes us better artists/people/wives for it.
With all that said, I just left my job to fully commit to painting full-time. I am so excited, and equally terrified of the challenges that lay before me. But your work and blog has been one of my go to sources for constant motivation and reassurance. "I CAN do this..." So thank you! And keep on, keepin' on, you'll be in my thoughts!
I am so glad that you commented here so now I can follow your exciting adventure! Yay! I am happy that you get inspiration from my life on this blog, its hard to see the other sided sometimes. I am so excited for you! And, yes, being an artists means you are pushing your emotional boundaries all the time, or at least that is how it feels to me. Its ok to be uber-emotional, you are growing and stretching! I am giddy for you!
DeleteI know what you mean! I think the world of blogging perfection leads to jealousy and thinking other people have their shit together. But on the flip side, I don't really want to read an unpretty and mundane blog with a lot of complaining... I guess the key is balance (doesn't that seem to be the key to so many things? Boring, but true?!) You keep it real and show pretty things. :) I love your paintings and like hearing about your world on your blog. Plus, I think another commenter mentioned that there is always someone prettier, skinnier, bloggier, etc. Also, I think self reflection on why we feel jealous is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteTotally! I would rather read a perfect blog than a negative blog. I mean the whole point is inspiration right! There is always someone better, sigh. Sad, but true. I like the idea of using jealousy to investigate your true feelings too. Its an idea I got from my friends who I spoke to about my feelings. Its a great idea! I will have to delve deeper.
DeleteI know what you mean! I think the world of blogging perfection leads to jealousy and thinking other people have their shit together. But on the flip side, I don't really want to read an unpretty and mundane blog with a lot of complaining... I guess the key is balance (doesn't that seem to be the key to so many things? Boring, but true?!) You keep it real and show pretty things. :) I love your paintings and like hearing about your world on your blog. Plus, I think another commenter mentioned that there is always someone prettier, skinnier, bloggier, etc. Also, I think self reflection on why we feel jealous is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteA quote that has always stuck with me -- "comparison is the thief of joy." I too struggle with jealousy. I mean, women are lying if they say they don't! When I'm reading other blogs, hearing about others lives, looking at mags of skinny minnies that can pull off just about everything that I cannot, I force myself to stop...to look around at what I do have, and what I do love. There will always be something missing from us- the key is to realize that the jealousy steals our confidence and joy.
ReplyDeleteI love your work and you are an inspiration!
What a great quote! Love it, I need to print that out and tape it to my mirror. You are a wise woman to take time to evaluate what makes you special and happy and grateful. Great advice.
Deletemany people feel the same about you. perspective my young friend.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, you are right. Thank you for reminding me :)
Deleteoh, you got it bad, that narly green monstah...take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI always think getting out cures one's pangs of jealousy. getting out to a third world country or visiting someone suffering from a life threatening disease. that works for me.
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If anyone never experiences a little jealousy here and there, I'm convinced they're lying!!! Yes, I have definitely been there. But it's so easy to look at the "front" that everyone puts out, especially into the internet, and when a business is associated. What I LOVE love LOVE about your blog is that you are so genuine! Life is not sunshine all the time, and I don't think it's supposed to be. And women especially do each other a disservice when we act like everything is perfect. (That's why my role models are Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who say - let's be nice to each other). You never know what someone else may be going through - they may have more money, longer legs, a more successful career, etc..., but I'm sure there is something they are insecure about or wish they could change also! (Like a better husband, less debt, better relationships with parents, etc!!)
ReplyDeleteThere are tons of people out there probably jealous of your adorable self, your art, your success and your beautiful home! Thanks for keeping it real as always. xox
P.S. I bet that "perfect" blogger you're referring to has some type of terrible bowel issue or something that you wouldn't want! Ya never know!
Ha! You are funny :) You are right, she doesn't have the perfect life, just like everyone else. I should try harder to remember that. I love Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, I want to be like them when I grow up. I love that you love them too :)
DeleteI wanted to say something although I haven't commented here before, and I see that we are all essentially saying the same thing!
ReplyDeleteThings are very rarely, if ever, what they appear to be, and I think most people do want some honesty when they visit blogs. I try to be honest as well as sharing all the good stuff, and I consistently get feedback that sharing my 'flaws' and mistakes is valuable to others. And one of the reasons your blog is in my feed is because I love how you write; you are funny and straight up, and I love your work and seeing snippets of your home and reading your thoughts on things. I think when we're honest we allow others to feel ok about their vulnerabilities too. It makes you feel less alone.
We all feel jealousy sometimes for sure, but it doesn't make any of us any less amazing at who WE are and what WE do. It doesn't always work but I try to remember to swap jealousy for taking inspiration from people I might feel jealous of; if they can do/have/be that, then it is possible for me too, with my own unique spin.
Keep it up I say; your blog is a pleasure to come to. :)
Tara
(www.taraleaver.com/blog)
Beautiful sentiments. Thank you! Your comment didn't get lost, btw, I just have a moderation setting, so you don't have to enter a hard code to leave your comment. I posted both of them though, b/c I love them both.
DeleteI think you are so right about looking at what we are jealous of, and saying "how can I make that happen for me, in my own way." Love!
I wrote a whole long thing, and it was my first comment here too, and it disappeared!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I really enjoy coming here exactly because you are upfront and funny and real, and I also love your work and enjoy seeing snippets of your home and life, and reading about your thoughts on things. I try to be honest on my blog as well, and I get consistent feedback that people find it valuable because in sharing vulnerabilities, mistakes or what we feel are our flaws, we help others feel less alone with theirs.
We all feel jealous sometimes; I try to remember that someone else's awesomeness doesn't make MINE any less, it's just different, and to swap the jealousy for inspiration ~ if they can do/be/have that, then it's possible for me too because we are all connected to the field of infinite possibility. Doesn't always work, but it helps. :)
Tara :)
{www.taraleaver.com/blog}
First of all- THANK YOU for not being a pod-person. Second-The group here is right. I bet so many people look at you and say YOU have a great life. Why? Not because you're perfect, because your're sweet, open, have good taste, enjoy the little things and bitch openly about feeling like shit. All that AND you really are a wonderful artist. One of the originals too. Not a copy-cat like all the betty-come-lately's.
ReplyDeleteBeing jealous is normal. Being competitive is normal. It keeps shit real. Pushes us forward. Keeps our game up. Raises our bar. Kicks our ass to do better. Just don't lose sight of YOUR gifts. You could compare till the cows come home and it's dumb. Just say NO ;) And p.s.? NO ONES life is perfect. I don't care how pretty, skinny, rich, funny, talented they are or seem. EVERYBODY'S got some ugly up in their mix.
Plus I'm SURE 98% of bloggers "perfect looking" life is bullshit. Anyone can be perfect on the internets ;)
P.S. I don't jealous as much as I get annoyed and bothered by people making shit-loads of $$ and perks from nothing worthy. Bad art, bad design, bad crafts, bad-bad-bad. THAT kills me. I have to stop myself from leaving true but nasty comments all the time.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I had to get out of Facebook. I would find myself spending way too much time perusing someone else's family pictures on their perfect trip to Mexico, or watch as they brag about their perfect kids, etc., and wishing it was my life. Once I just stopped looking, I felt so much better!
ReplyDeleteI am about a decade late here, but I really appreciated this post. While it's not dishonesty per say, I think that blogging and any self-reflective thing that we do on the internet is massaged, edited and photoshopped. I look at all of the pretty interior shots some bloggers share of their homes and I have to remind myself that just out of the view of the camera's lens is a week's worth of laundry or credit card bills or whatever else is imperfect in their lives. No one is perfect. Some people are just better at projecting perfection than others.
ReplyDeleteJust discovered your lovely blog and AMAZING artwork via Crescendoh (my good friend Lorrie is guest curating this week). I love this post and can totally relate to it. I also love the next post and the wise words from one of your readers about being inspired rather than jealous. Jealousy is definitely a road map and it really helped me last year to understand that I was off course and needed to change direction.
ReplyDeleteI've been admiring your art for a while now, and bought an Antonia print for my brother and his wife, but kept it for myself. Oops. :) I just started reading your blog, and came across this post. I have to say that I agree that one negative of blogging is comparing oneself to other bloggers. I decided this past year that I want my blog to be a fun outlet, and an inspiration for me to get things done, rather than procrastinating. I'll never be someone to pound out amazing DIY after amazing DIY. Now and then, hopefully. Every week, no. I don't think I'll ever find it important to blog every day. More like when I'm inspired or have something I want to share. Do some bloggers seem to get lucky breaks? Sure. But I bet they put in a lot of effort, more than I'm willing to do. One thing that bloggers drive me nuts with is their "keeping it real" posts. Your post about jealousy is revealing your true self, but you didn't have to preface it with the phrase "keeping it real." I don't know why, but somehow it seems so forced and fake, rather than weaving in reality amongst everything else. While it seems like many bloggers lead amazing lives, I know they all have their issues, like we all do, and I hope to be inspired by the cool stuff and not overwhelmed by their amazingness.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the Office episode where Darryl tells Andy he has a booger bubble and then Andy goes in his office and says, "my whole life is a booger bubble!" Most people's lives are a booger bubble half the time, even if you don't see it on blogs or facebook, etc. Half the time around here it looks like there was explosion and my head feels like it might pop from frustration, and I feel like my own life has been sucked away from me, but I crop out the explosion and take a photo of a pretty cupcake or something like that because reality just is not very pretty even if it's real and the cupcake makes me feel better. I think 99% of reality is cropped out on most blogs, not to be deceptive but just to show a sliver of the pretty side of life. Don't let that sliver get to you and make you feel inadequate or jealous! As Oscar Wilde said, "we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." When people show their stars I always remember they are human like the rest of us, sitting in a gutter with a booger bubble ;) A few days ago I posted a messy pic on FB of our front room in our house when it was trashed because Andrew said I needed to show more reality in my photos... did you see that one? That's what most of our life looks like, a mess!!
ReplyDeleteLeigh, you are so sweet. I totally saw that picture on FB, it was so funny. You are right, we always crop out the mess. Great quotes by the way, especially Booger Bubble. Yes, I saw that office, and I loved it! I have so enjoyed seeing pictures of L-boo and sweet E btw. They are kill'n it in the cute department.
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