Thursday, September 27

A Tizzun: noun, meaning a fuckload

Ya'll, I put a tizzun of new stuff in the store this past week. I have a show coming up in October, on Friday the 26th. Mark your calendars! Anyway, so that means I am slower than usual to stock it up. Well just now there are many new large and small pieces to choose from.

On Monday I have a fun announcement, whink wink nudge nudge.

Code 18x18, 200usd.
I think I watched mission impossible and I was all like....this is a code!

I'm ready for it, 18x36, 500usd.
A song...I listend and thats what the lyrics where so there you have it.

Santal Blush 36x48, 1500usd
Named for the Tom Ford perfume, b/c its pretty, I don't know what it smells like though.

Valentina 48x48, 1800usd.
Named for the little Argentinian girl in the bathroom of Bemelmans bar who was having a break down with her mom, insisting that her name was Valentina, and that was that. No matter what her actual name was.

Monday, September 17


Exciting news! You can now buy Giclee canvas prints of some of my paintings, already stretched onto a beautiful, solid wood frame in the gallery style, like my paintings, so that means 1.5 inch depth.
AND, they are mad affordable ya'll. Check them out here.

Bowtie Print, 36x36 Giclee canvas print on canvas. Solid wood frame construction. 1.5 depth edge. Ready to hang, my logo signature on the back. $350.00

I have been working on this for a year, getting sample after sample made to ensure that the canvas is thick enough, the colors are exactly true, and the construction is impeccable. I personally hate a flimsy print, so I wanted these to be really solid and nice.

Laura Print 36x48 Giclee canvas print on canvas. Solid wood frame construction. 1.5 depth edge. Ready to hang, my logo signature on the back. $400.00

They will officially be in the warehouse around the middle of October, but I am taking pre-orders now! This is my first time taking on an adventure like this, so I didn't order a ton of each style, they may not last long.

Antonia Print 36x36 Giclee canvas print on canvas. Solid wood frame construction. 1.5 depth edge. Ready to hang, my logo signature on the back. $350.00

I am showing you the sides, so you can see how beautiful the color is, and how they are printed all the way around.

Hadrian 24x24 canvas print on canvas. Solid wood frame construction. 1.5 depth edge. Ready to hang, my logo signature on the back. $250.00

The canvas posters that I was offering on my store for That Bowtie I like, Antonia, Laura, and Hadrian are not available anymore, only the stretched print is for sale. Truth be told those posters were a huge pain in the arse. They cost so much b/c our printer was so expensive, I didn't make very much on those, plus they got damaged in shipping a lot, and you still had to have them framed after you bought them! Expensive!

I am so excited about this! Even better, any print you see in my store can be turned into a pre-stretched canvas print in almost any size. (I say that b/c if you fall in love with a print that was of a 24x24 painting, you can't blow it up to a 48x48.) These custom order canvas prints (that are not the ones already offered i.e. Laura, Hadrian, Bowtie and Antonia) are made to order, so allow a few weeks for delivery.

So? What do you think?

Wednesday, September 12

Love that Dickel

Ugggh! I was all ready to get back to work after our gettaway weekend (you know how it is, you rest, you get inspired!) and blamo, I got a head cold.

Do you make hot toddies when you are sick? My friend Jane makes the very best ones. Here is the recipe:

* Half lemon squeezed into your favorite mug
* Fill 'er up with hot water
* Squeeze some honey into that mug (like a TBS)
* One half shot of Dickel baby
* add more lemon if you like it tart

Drink with reckless abandon.

Friday, September 7

Thank you

To all of you guys who sent me such sweet notes and stories of your own battles with fertility and health setbacks. I value you so much! I am in awe of how brave and strong you all are, and how much love we have for one another, even though we are strangers. And I am looking forward to sharing our adoption process with you guys here too.

This weekend is starting a bit early for O and I, b/c we are taking a staycation! We call them hotel dates, and they became a tradition years ago when we both worked from home, and found that it was too hard to relax there. So we started using Hotwire to get five star hotels in Atlanta for a steal. We are trying out a new place this time, and I had hoped we could lounge by the pool all weekend, but alas, its a gonna rain. Oh well, we planned it weeks ago to celebrate my being over the hormone hell, and I get to drink as much wine and coffee as I want!

I think we may also go shopping, something we only do together on vacation, ever. I don't shop much myself for clothes (pretty much everything I own comes from Zappos) I have an urge to buy some pretty clothes, for the past two years I never really bought any nice clothing, you know except for workout clothes, and sports bras that come in a pack. I could have gotten pregnant any minute, or so I thought. It feels good to be on the other side of this now, and I want to celebrate!

So I am off to work, then the fun begins. Room service! Dinner out! Snuggly time all day long! Shopping! Wine! I get to wear clothes that don't have paint on them!

Wednesday, September 5

On feeling bitter...

about shit you can't control...

Wanna know a secret? O and I have been trying to conceive a little baby wonder for almost two years. Also this week I started taking the pill again. So I guess you guess what that means. We were not successful, and I am sad about it.

Back in 2008 when I had that surgery, the docs said that the tumor they found on my L intestines was either cancer, or endometriosis. They told me that if it was cancer, that was bad, and if it was endometriosis then it meant I was most likely not going to be able to conceive. As you can imagine, I was relieved when I found out it was not cancer!

So for the past several months I have had painful, expensive procedures (insurance does not cover anything for my fertility issues b/c it is considered a pre-existing condition).  I have taken hormones and since I have been off the pill, every time I have ladyproblems it hurts more and more. I have had so much anxiety because I needed to stay off the pill to get pregnant, but being off the pill could make my endometriosis get worse! Ahhh!

Right now I am finally out of the hell soup that is taking fertility hormones, but my body is adjusting again to taking the pill. I feel so sad all the time, and I can't seem to settle on any decisions. Also I can't sleep, I am sweating all the time and my belly is distended and it hurts :(

A few months ago I decided I wanted to move, now I don't know...because what I really want is to live in New York...but we can't make a huge change like that now b/c of O's business (and he isn't as jazzed about the idea as I am) and because we are planning to adopt a little baby wonder!

I am very excited about this prospect, much more excited than I was about getting pregnant. I think deep down I was so sure it was not going to happen, that I never let myself actually believe it could, except for when I did believe it. Talk about emotional roller coaster. I know we will be parents, and I am looking forward to it, but I also feel like sleeping forever, and not having to make any decisions about anything ever. Except maybe what kind of doughnut to eat, and what wine would be the best wine pairing with it. 

Sometimes I feel so bitter about all of this shit! I mean, if I had not felt so bad when we lived in NYC we never would have moved. And if I hadn't gotten sick, maybe I wouldn't have developed Endometriosis. No one knows shit about what causes it or how to make it go away (except get pregnant, or take the pill). That pisses me off too. I want to live in a city I love, but I feel stuck in Atlanta because I love my family and O's family. O's business is here, and my life is easy and uncomplicated and fun...Plus when we adopt I want our folks around b/c they are pretty awesome.

Then I remember that I am lucky to have O, and my family and most of my health. I don't have to worry about how to pay for food and water, or bombs falling on my head. As O would say: Are you tied up on a dungeon floor? No? Well then that settles it. 


It is amazing how many people come out of the woodwork when you begin to openly discuss infertility. I am a pretty open person, and I like having my friends around to support me and come along with me on my projects. It seems like every other person we talk to has been touched by infertility or adoption in some way. When you are going through the awful process of fertility treatments, you can't help but notice every single pregnant lady, every young mother, and it feels isolating and there were times when I felt like a huge failure. I also felt so much guilt because there were more options for us, we could have taken the fertility drama to the next level: IVF.

We decided against it, and making that decision was one of the hardest trials of my life! I felt guilty about that b/c seriously, that isn't a very big problem to have, and also I kinda felt like I was supposed to do IVF. The fertility world is sort of crazy, I mean the doctors just expected us to do it, and so does everyone else. You should have seen some of the judgmental faces I get when I fell people we opted not to do IVF, wowzas. I couldn't handle the thought of even more, and stronger hormones, the expense (up to 20k a pop, with a 50% success rate) or the anxiety of taking more time off the pill, and feeling my lady times get worse and would not pay for a surgery if I needed another one, so that is another 30-50k we would have to come up with...Its enough to make me bitter. I opened up about it to my wonderful folks and O's parents, and everyone agreed that I needed to make the best choice for myself and for O. You know, this ordeal made me realize how easily I can be pushed off course. I mean, I knew in my heart and in my gut that I didn't want IVF, but I let myself be conflicted about it, and conflicted about pleasing other people in my life. O, of course has been amazing, he didn't take it personally when I threw things or sobbed b/c his shirt was draped over the door....again.

Its hard to admit that I didn't handle this whole episode with the dignity and self assuredness that I hope I exude most of the time. But dude, thats what fucking happend, and I guess this will teach me to be more confident and self aware in the future.

We have not chosen an agency yet, or a lawyer or anything; but we have so many options and so many wonderful people offering us advice and love and support. I am sure that when my hormones back that shit up, O and I will get hella started on realizing the next step in our lives: parenthood! We are excited to go on this adventure together, for reals.

I am also happy that you guys will get to hitch a ride on our adventure too. That makes me think, I might have to cut back on the cursing.

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