I love coming home from vacation, just love it. Sometimes it is even better than the vacation itself (like when we went to Spain and I was sick the whole time, that was a great homecoming.) O and I really needed to unwind, and it took me a few days just to relax. Dukes! I don't know why, to be honest. Usually I am the first person to put my feet up and get groovy. But it really did take me at least two full days to unclench my ass cheeks. It turned out to be one of the best vacations ever, mostly because we needed to address some issues in our lives. Isn't it fun to over share on the internets?
|I can just hear Guantanamera playing in my head when I see this picture...and taste coconut. |
Honesty time: I realized (although I already knew this) that I was super annoyed, like most of the time, with O. I had become really distant and pre-occupied, and everything he did bugged the shit out of me.
O and I pride ourselves on our great communication, but it had sort of gotten messy lately. I have become more sensitive to negativity, and as a result interpret like, everything, O says as negative and then b/c I visualize him becoming defensive when I bring it up, I don't and I seethe and then...snap. Double Dukes! I won't make myself seem more sympathetic by telling you that I am taking crazy meds and am under a shit ton of stress for stuffs ya'll will hear about in a few months. So lets not mention that.
|I can sit at the beach all day, every day. You could just swim right out to the snorkeling too if you wanted. But we loved riding around on that catamaran there. With Juan Carols!|
Magic time: Code words! Like spies!
Along with monthly fancy dates, having code words has been one of the smartest relationship trickaroos I have ever come up with (although spies actually came up with them first). I got the idea from Meet the Fockers actually. We have one code word: Muskrat. It means stop right now, come here and hug me. I want googly eyes, I want kisses. I want the full Romeo (or Juliet) post haste. Make it a double. Having a code word is great b/c there is no judgment, at all, and no way a person could get defensive.
Our rule is you must, no matter what, drop the tude, or whatever it is and be muskrat. It works perfectly.
|I look like a cartoon character here. Well, actually always.|
Code word Sunshine: My friend Sarah and I were talking the other day about being successful. We both agree that in order to attract love and success in your life you have to "Shoot sunshine out of your asshole." Thus codeword Sunshine is born. Remember when I said I was sensitive to negativity? Turns out O is too! Turns out we didn't realize what we were saying sounded negative to the other person! Tripple Dukes!
|Why don't I have a coconut drink in my hand right this second? I mean...right this second there is someone sitting on that same beach drinking one right? It hurts so bad not to be there. |
I was going to write some witty dialogue for you just now but instead I have a confession to make. I still am not really sure what I say that O thinks is negative! I can think of a million and one things that he says all the time though. Hmmm. This is such a great example of why we need the code word. I know I stress him out with my negativity because he has said Sunshine to me a few times since we got back. But I still don't have a clear picture of how to change for the better yet. We have been using it like crazy though, and I will learn as he will. So when we say Sunshine to the other person it means: stop now. No judgment from me, and you can't get mad, but stop. Now. Your words are harshing my vibe man. Brifuckingzilliant.
|As soon as we got home I put this runner on our server, and went to pick some purple flowers. This has been one of my favorite posies of the season.|
Awesome. We also have a super secret spy word that we would say to the other in normal conversation which means some shit is going down. Threat level midnight. Channel your inner Bruce Willis please. I don't know why we would ever need to use it, we couldn't think of one the other day, but it makes me feel special to have one. I watched a lot of cold war movies in the 80s.
|I bought this hand made runner in Playa Del Carmen. I talked the guy down quite a bit on the price, after a while he started to say "come on now lady...lets get real here." I love the pink and red together.|
It all worked out in the end, and eventually we decided to stay an extra two nights on the spur of the moment b/c we had not had our fill of snorkeling and room service and coconut drinks. Highlights of the trip were most assuredly animal related. We saw a Coati Mundi
, omg cutest thing ever. We also went snorkeling a lot of times, and saw a ton of wonderful creatures including sea turtles which happen to be my most favorite animals (aside from elephants) ever. We took an epic cab ride with the nicest guy who took us all over Cancun, and to another city looking for artesanal goods. Did I mention the coconut drinks? Luckily I mostly still feel my nice calm vacation vibes. What is your magical relationship secret? The one thing you turn to when you need to communicate, or figure it out with your teammate?
It was... too much fun. I'm looking forward to going back.ReplyDelete
Hello! Thanks so much for popping by Moth Design. Totally made my day and you should know that in the chaos my life became over the last week, that painting has brought me so much peace and joy. I'm glad you got to see it in my space.ReplyDelete
My sister, brother and I used a code shortly after my mother died. We were worried about how we would deal with things and we didn't want any fighting or judgements since emotions were pretty raw at that point, so we had a word that we used to difuse any situation. Luckily, it was only used a couple of times. And it was kind of fun having a secret code word that only we knew the meaning behind.ReplyDelete
Kara, what a great idea! It is fun having a code word, and I think the specialness of it even helps make it more powerful when you do have to use it.Delete
I really appreciate this post, because honestly, it seems that every single couple I know is having a really rough go at the whole marriage thing lately. The Hub and I have the opposite problem than most. Instead of blowing up, we both tend to shut down. And then it takes forever for us to prize the truth out of eachother. Maybe we need to go to Cancun and have some coconut drinks. ;)ReplyDelete
Jo, so sorry to hear your friends are having a rough time. It is so stressful to see people you care about unhappy! O and I have such great success with our little quirky tricks and schemes for helpful communication, I hope that if we spread the ideas around, we can help each other. I couldn't even imagine having an actual falling out with O.Delete
No code words yet. But I do try and pepper my insults and jabs with love. Like " I really do love you and think you are an amazing person but I can't help resenting the hell out of you for not having a job right now" :) Just one of many charms!!ReplyDelete
Oh...so asshole and bitch isn't a code word.ReplyDelete
HA! So funny. Actually O and I have a policy of never EVER cussing at each other. Maybe shit here and there, but we never call each other bad names, even in jest.Delete
my bff has a somewhat unorthodox "code" she collects plastic toys, which includes happy meal "toys". now when one of them is annoyed/mad/trying -not -to be- annoyed -madReplyDelete
they call each other on the "french fry phone" and say, "honey,we need to discuss this a little later". the french fry phone is in a basket in the kitchen and i've seen it used. it's a reminder to take a breath, take a second. sometimes that's all the perspective you need to let something pass. if not, then you still got to talk into a french fry phone!!!
You guys are the best! Thanks for sharing your tips. I love your friends plastic toy code Kristin! So cute.ReplyDelete